Claire Swire wishes that Bradley Chait had read this rule. Claire Swire was the infamous subject of the “Claire Swire e-mail of 2000” when her boyfriend forwarded on a personal e-mail to some friends—and that e-mail was distributed faster than you can say “don’t expect another date!” Before the weekend was over, the e-mail had been read by millions of people across the world and reported in every major news service.
If you are going to say something about someone, assume that the person you are talking about is standing beside you listening. If you are going to talk about someone behind his or her back, remember that backs have ears because sometimes the person you are speaking about hears what you have said. Make sure that you only say something you would say face-to-face. E-mail only heightens the situation, as it is hard to refute the written word.
Putting this rule into practice is quite simple. If you are talking about someone, give yourself the acid test. “Would I say this if the person was standing beside me listening to me?”
The same test is true of e-mail. Assume that any e-mail you write will be forwarded to the person you are writing about and to the local newspaper and to the person’s solicitor. If you are still happy to send the e-mail under those circumstances, then click the Send button.
This doesn’t mean you can’t use e-mail as an effective communication tool—quite the contrary. E-mail is very effective because it can be viewed months and years later, and the memory fades associated with conversations don’t apply. You can still be critical in relation to someone, but using this rule means that you must be fair with any comments you make and base all of them on logic and fact. Earl Wilson famously said, “If you wouldn’t write it and sign it, don’t say it,” and I fully agree.
Bradley Chait only lost the opportunity for another date. In business, if you speak about someone behind his or her back it can cost you a client, an employee—or maybe your entire business.