We have a medical mystery that has stumped our family

Our children all seem to be afflicted with this
recurring condition.

We have tried different foods as recommended by our

And consulted a French professor – the world’s
leading paediatrician.


But still no-one can solve the mystery of what
happens after we eat;

Our children are quite normal, until we mention
that dinner’s not complete

Until the dishwasher’s packed, the table’s wiped
and the kitchen is all done;

That is the moment when this strange sickness
overcomes every single one.


The disorder takes a number of forms, and changes
every single night;

Which is why, I am guessing, it is so hard, to
solve our unhappy plight.

The first symptom is predictable – someone’s
busting to go to the loo;

Although they never seem quite sure if they need to
do a wee or a poo.


One daughter says, “I need more food!” to satisfy
her growing appetite;

Surely, as good parents, we wouldn’t want her to be
hungry through the night?

Our youngest daughter falls asleep at the table –
to help digest her food?

We dare not risk waking her and experiencing her
sleep deprived mood!


But still the problems continue, with apparently
the teacher to blame;

“My teacher said I had to finish my homework,” I hear
one child exclaim.

Sweaty armpits is the next culprit, as I hear
another call “SHOWER!”

The perspiration must have been bad! We don’t see
her for the next hour!


My son starts sweating and convulsing – his vital
signs start to diminish

“Please take me to my video game – I just have this
level to finish!”

That takes care of the most common symptoms, but
still they come up with others;

My daughter wants to upload a selfie so her friends
can show their brothers.


“My favourite TV show is on; I wouldn’t dare think
of missing it.”

Next there is a disaster to manage – the emergence
of a big zit.

“A glass of milk helps my growing bones”, “I need
to take the dog for a run”;

“I have heard that it is important for kids to
relax and have some fun!”


They have been quite creative with more excuses
than a politician,

The kitchen is now deserted – they have vanished
faster than a magician.

This scene is repeated every night – I am not sure
if my wife can cope;

First one legitimate excuse has now led us down
this slippery slope.


I wonder how this developed. Is it learned or is it

I think we need more research on this – or am I
just being pathetic?

“At least my husband will help,” says my wife, “otherwise
I’ll be here all night.”

“I’ll be back in a minute,” I promise, “I just…have
this poem…to write.”

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